“Should” is a lie
Once you start questioning the lies of the inner “should” its days are numbered. What do I mean by that? At times we have an internal belief that causes us to use the word “should.” “He should.” “She should.” “I should.” He should get up and clean out the garage so we can park the car in it. She should stop complaining about her job. I should save my money so I can go on vacation. What you say? These should statements are right! I am here to tell you that “should” statement thinking is a lie you are believing. This believing of the lie is what causes you anxiety and frustrations. The truth is, even if it is necessary and correct that he get up and clean out the garage, or that she stop complaining and do something about it and you are deserving of a fine vacation, their behavior is saying otherwise.
When we are conscious, we trust behavior. Behavior tells us who and what a person is all about. When we are unconscious, we think “should.” His behavior is saying he shouldn’t clean the garage because he doesn’t. She should not stop complaining because she doesn’t and still gets paid and doesn’t make any changes. You should not save your money because you don’t. This is a hard pill to swallow, but when you trust behavior and learn from behavior you are living in the truth. You are conscious. You are not believing what is not true and your expectations therefore can be managed. When you expect he isn’t going to take care of the garage, you can respond accordingly, when she doesn’t stop complaining you can limit your time with her. You can have a vacation but it will be a smaller one..
You might say, Sharon you are not living the real world. I know these things go on. Daily. Constantly. Repeatedly. What doesn’t have to happen is your response to it. If you can remove the “should” statements from your thinking. Trust their behavior as the truth of what is, then you can say instead “OF COURSE” that is what is going to happen. When you question the truth of the “should” and their behavior makes you conclude they should not because they ARE not. When you say “of course” you are being conscious of the truth and have proper expectations of others and what others offer you. “Of COURSE” thinking gives you power. When you know what to expect you are managing the mischief of “should thinking.” Not trying to control your environment with should thoughts. Because you can’t control others. Then notice how your anxiety and frustration decreases. Replace “they should” with “Of COURSE”
Always learning and coaching others to manage the mischief of “should thinking”. What does this have to do with anything? It has everything to do with why you are feeling stuck and frustrated.